Stargate

Year: 1994
Directed By: Roland Emmerich
Written By: Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich

RYAN’S REVIEW

When I was 10 years old this was one of the movies playing at the Uptown theater when I went to visit my dad in Washington D.C.. That theater’s single giant screen was my babysitter in those days and I spent plenty of time sitting in front of it during those visits. No theater has ever come close to being quite as magical as the Uptown was to me as a 10 year old. I would sit on the first row of the balcony and watch whatever was playing over and over again. I’m partial to all the movies I saw on that screen but it really helps that this one is so cool.

I really like the idea behind this movie. They don’t make such original science fiction anymore, or at least I haven’t seen anything like it. I like that the military has been keeping this ancient technology under wraps for decades trying to figure it out. When they get it operational the adventure begins and some of Earth’s greatest mysteries are there to be discovered. It’s a portal to another world and the military is sending a team through it into the unknown. The blending of ancient Egyptian culture, the military, and aliens is just awesome. Really cool idea that was ahead of its time. Unfortunately it’s one of the many that are destined for the eventual reboot that will probably just sully the original.

I really hope a reboot never comes to fruition. They could never top this one, and why even try? Where the hell are they gonna find anyone who can rock a flat top and beret like Kurt freaking Russell? Can’t do it! It didn’t work when they rebooted Total Recall. It didn’t work when they rebooted Robocop. They keep trying to carry on The Terminator franchise to no avail. Alien keeps trying to hang on with new movies and clearly that isn’t working. There’s just no way they should even try to remake this movie because it’s a bad idea. This movie is fine the way it is and it left its mark in the science fiction genre. We need movies like this, but not this. Certainly there are still people out there coming up with interesting ideas, we need more original science fiction these days and more than simply reboots and sequels to older properties.

I think this is one of, if not the, best movies made by Roland Emmerich. He has almost become like a gimmick director at this point specializing in disaster films. While those movies have become redundant I still like him as a director. After all, those disaster flicks aren’t terrible, I’d easily say that were worth watching one time as a rental. Maybe none of those disaster flicks qualified for our collection but I have a couple of Emmerich’s movies on the shelf and I’m quite fond of them. Independence Day is a very popular film but I have always had problems with it and never watched the sequel.

I think the music in this movie is exceptional. The theme they use anytime Ra is on screen is particularly compelling with its sinister sound. I am not very familiar with the film’s compser David Arnold, but I really like what he came up with. Sometimes a musical score can make or break a film. I don’t think the score here did either but it greatly enhances the film.

As I am want to mention I grew up in an action movie fanatic household. So, naturally I think Kurt Russell is awesome and I really like him in this movie. He rocks the shit out of that beret Demolition Man style. Dressed all in black and wearing that beret he should have been called Colonel John Spartan in this movie but I’ll let it slide. Kurt Russell is just too likable delivering lines like “Give my regards to King Tut asshole.” I’ve never been a big James Spader fan but I liked him in this movie. He apparently thought the movie was going to be awful but took the part for the money. Spader wasn’t the only one not really invested in the film as the actor who portrayed Ra, Jaye Davidson was apparently very difficult to work with. As a matter of fact he never acted again after this. I thought he was good though, of course all his lines are dubbed with that badass voice and all he had to do was look really evil.

This has been a fairly influential film in a way I am generally unfamiliar with. It inspired a television series that has been around a long time, I guess. I don’t know very much about it but I understand there is some minor crossover between the film and show. I only bring it up because this movie also inspired something that I cherish. There was an awesome direct reference to the film in one of the South Park Imaginationland episodes:

 

This is the best scene I could find on YouTube but you can see the Stargate and hear Kurt Russell as he is attacked by the Woodland Critters. Earlier in the episode Kurt Russell asks why he is there with this military crew and the response is “because you were in that movie that was kind of like this.” Hilarious, if you haven’t seen Imaginationland you should seek it out, some of the funniest stuff South Park has ever done.

This movie is special to me because it gets me all nostalgic over magical childhood memories. It’s a good movie aside from that though and there are plenty of reasons to like it. It’s got a real Chariots of the Gods feel to it and people love those wild theories. If you are a fan of science fiction this is a must see and I think the movie is easily worth your time to see it.

NEXT MOVIE: Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Death Proof

Year: 2007
Directed By: Quentin Tarantino
Written By: Quentin Tarantino

RYAN’S REVIEW

I really liked what Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez did with the Grindhouse Films.  I think it was a great idea.  Two exciting filmmakers collaborating to make something that isn’t seen anymore, the double feature.  Both films are deliberately filmed to mimic 1970s film quality; with a real gritty appearance and occasional jumps in the scenes that indicate the film was built poorly when put together for projection at the theater. Once upon a time I worked a side job in a movie theater, building movies and setting them up on a projector Tyler Durden style.  So I especially like the projection problems inserted into both films. Planet Terror is even missing an entire reel and segment of the film.

I’m afraid this is the lesser of the two films by comparison.  I will discuss Planet Terror when we get to it but I think it is superior in every way to this film. I think this movie feels more like a chick flick than anything else for a long time. I don’t even know what category to place it in and only tentatively place it in horror because that’s what I think it is supposed to be. We have only seen the first thirty minutes of the movie at this point and I am bored out of my mind! These girls have done nothing but talked and drank for a painfully long time now.  The best part so far is Rose McGowan, but only because I am a really big fan of hers.  She has a much better role in Planet Terror, naturally.  Sydney Poitier’s hair is worth mentioning, it’s exceptional. I had really strong feelings about Tarantino around the time this film came out and subsequently began using it as part of my argument that he was washed up and an overrated director. I feel differently now, Inglourious Basterds was such an incredible movie I have had to bite my tongue on the matter and eat some of my words.  40 minutes and still this movie is boring me to death, the Vanessa Ferlito lap dance doesn’t do it for me and that is literally the only thing that has happened so far.

I need to explain my position on Tarantino.  A good friend of mine and I argued over the guy relentlessly and to no end years ago, until the day I had to call him and admit that I was wrong.  Like many young movie fans I was a huge Tarantino fan growing up.  I idolized him because I too wanted to grow up and be a filmmaker.  Like Tarantino did when he was young, I too worked at a video rental store, and I occasionally wrote stories I hoped to one day make into movies.  I think Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction are two of the greatest movies ever and they will be remembered forever.  I also liked Jackie Brown although it was not as well received. I am a big fan of the two movies Tarantino sold in order to make his first film, True Romance and Natural Born Killers, even though they are very similar stories. I considered Tarantino to be an exceptional and creative writer and for years looked forward to his next film. His last movie was in 1997 so I went all through high school and into college waiting for his next movie.  Which of course was Kill Bill: Volume 1 in 2003.  I was disappointed, and to this day can’t figure out what everybody liked so much about it. I wasn’t just disappointed, I hated it. I hated it so much I began to hate and despise Tarantino because of it. I waited six years, and in six years that was the best this creative and brilliant filmmaker could come up with? Kill Bill was just a plot thread from Pulp Fiction. When Vincent Vega (John Travolta) takes out Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman) she tells him she once starred in a pilot called Fox Force Five about five women assassins. That is Kill Bill, and maybe I’m alone but I expected more from Tarantino. I held out my final decision on the film until Volume 2 came out but found that one to be even worse and with less action. I started to consider Tarantino the Marilyn Manson of filmmakers, because he just wanted to shock and awe people. What was the point of Uma Thurman’s character being used sexually while in a coma if he isn’t just out to shock and sicken us with depravity. It wasn’t relevant to the plot, it was just inserted in there just for the hell of it. It made me think of Tarantino as the child on the playground turning his eyelids inside out just to gross people out. I am all for depravity in movies when used appropriately and effectively but when it is pointless it doesn’t have the same effect. When Death Proof came out in 2007 it did not do much to change my impression because Rodriguez’s movie was so much better.  I had little hope for Inglourious Basterds, especially when I had found out it was a remake and because he had also taken several years to make this film as well.  I was wrong though, that movie was a masterpiece and I feel I must eventually revisit Kill Bill because of it.

I have tried really hard to look at this movie with a fresh eye and see if it could win me over this time but it hasn’t. I am bored out of my freaking mind! We have watched 82 minutes so far and I’d wager there was 5 minutes of action and about 70 minutes of relentless and pointless girl talk.  Albeit that 5 minutes of action isn’t bad, and Kurt Russell does a fairly decent job playing the creepy and demented Stuntman Mike. 90 minutes and these women still won’t shut up! I can’t in good conscience recommend this to film to anybody because it’s just so boring.  If you want to spend all night hearing a bunch of girls talk about nothing relevant to the plot by all means check this one out but otherwise just watch the trailer. Zoe Bell is really great in the end, I love how aggressively she attacks Kurt Russell with the metal pipe. The end is rather exciting actually, if I were you I would fast forward to the good parts and save yourself an hour and twenty minutes of your time.

AMBER’S REVIEW

I used to thoroughly enjoy this movie. I say “used to” because after watching it for the blog, I was really bored most of the time. I am about a 50/50 lover of Quentin Tarantino. Sometimes, I am really impressed with him and other times I am honestly disgusted or bored. I loved, loved Inglorious Bastards, but hated, hated all of the Kill Bill movies. Tarantino has such a distinct style. He is obsessed with dialog. He puts extra conversations into his movies wherever there is a possible space and this holds so true for this film. I guess what drives me insane the most about it in this film is that it is mostly between women, and what does Tarantino truly know about the conversations of women? He loves to go off onto tangents into other stories, like “The other night I had a date with this guy..” and then spends about 15 minutes about a story that has absolutely nothing to do with original story line. That drives me crazy. I can take a little bit, but Tarantino likes to pack it in there to the fullest.

My favorite parts of this movie are the Kurt Russell parts.The ending is the best part of the entire movie and if you are going to watch it, I wold recommend watching the end of the movie, nothing else matters.

NEXT MOVIE: Death to Smoochy (2002)