The Long Kiss Goodnight

Year: 1996
Directed By: Renny Harlin
Written By: Shane Black

RYAN’S REVIEW

Such an interesting time it was when the pairing of Renny Harlin and Shane Black was a formula for success.  This movie came out at the end of an era when mindless action movies could have an R-rating and still have the potential to turn a significant profit.  I miss those days because even though most of these movies were really stupid I still enjoyed most of them.  I was 12 when this movie came out, and at that age the bigger the explosions and the bigger the lead female’s breast the better. This movie has all that but gets a boost from the fact that Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson is in it. Any movie, no matter the premise or context, is better when Samuel L Jackson is in it, period.  The film has a lot of over the top action and unlikely scenarios but those are to be expected from movies by both Harlin and Black. This film, being a collaboration between the two, may exaggerate that quality a bit. While everything might all be a bit too much in this film there is still plenty to like about it.  In fact, Harlin and Jackson both are on record mentioning it as one of their favorite movies that they worked on.

I watched this movie recently when I was on vacation with my brother.  It was interesting because we both grew up with it being a household favorite.  The two of us watching it together found little else in the film but things to make fun of. There is plenty to laugh off as ridiculous in this movie. For example, the scene in which Samantha starts cutting vegetables. The music alone makes it goofy as hell when the tone goes from suspenseful to lighthearted back to suspenseful in a matter of minutes. As a viewer it’s hard to tell if the scene is supposed to be horrifying or humorous. In good company there can be different perspectives on the table though and now that I am watching the movie on my own I’m seeing it differently.  Don’t get me wrong, this is not a film to be taken seriously, but still there can be plenty to like here if you are in the right mood for it.

Samuel L Jackson is a gem who has made many roles his own.  I am generally under the theory that by and large he is and always will be Jules from Inglewood.  That’s OK though, because Jules was one of the greatest characters of all time.  He has played the character time and time again with different names and situations but he will always be Jules. There is a little bit of Jules in Mitch from this movie, and if nothing else it is Mitch who makes this movie worth wild.  He has so many great scenes in this film.  Here is a good example of what he brought to the film:

That’s just a taste of the comedic quality Jackson brought to the movie.  He is hands down one of my favorite actors of all time and while I don’t watch everything he does I do love him in everything I see him in.  I’ll be honest; this film collection may have Snakes on a Plane lurking in the “S” section specifically because Samuel L Jackson is awesome. I think the fact that he has mentioned this movie as one of his favorites when he has made almost 150 movies says something important and if nothing else it makes this movie worth your time to see it.

I have always liked Geena Davis, but in truth that is probably only because she was in her prime while I was going through puberty. Still, despite movies like this, she turned in a few impressive performances in her time. I think it was a bit of a stretch for Renny Harlin to try to make an action star out of his wife but she made a better effort than Angelina Jolie ever did. Despite how much of an apocalyptic failure Cutthroat Island was I always liked it but I think this collaboration between Harlin and Davis was much better. She looked pretty good in the pirate get-up but she had the right attitude for Samantha Caine and Charlie Baltimore both despite being such an exaggerated character.  

Some films have a timeless quality that enables them to live on forever and relate to every generation that comes along.  This is not one of those movies.  The Long Kiss Goodnight is the kind of movie that you just had to be there to really enjoy.  It’s hard to look back now and appreciate this movie but if you were there, living life in the mid 90s and loving these kinds of actions movies, then you get it.  This movie was a product of its time, just as I am, and having that in common I like this movie even though it may be pretty silly when that wasn’t at all what it was going for.  If you remember the good old days when bad guys and good guys alike both used the fuck word with an aggressive frequency and enjoyed them as I did then this one is worth your time.  If nothing else it is worth seeing just because Samuel L Jackson was awesome in it.

NEXT MOVIE: Look Who’s Talking (1989) This is an embarrassment I know, read our next review to see easy it is to get caught up in the moment and make stupid decisions. 

Die Hard 2

Year: 1990
Directed By: Renny Harlin
Written By: Walter Wager

RYAN’S REVIEW

This is a sequel not unlike many other sequels made quickly after successful movies. The first ones that come to mind being The Hangover 2, Speed 2, and Home Alone 2. These movies don’t continue a story; they just retell the one that already worked. This movie is about a cop who has to single-handedly stop a group of terrorist on Christmas Eve. More or less exactly what the first film is about, a carbon copy of its predecessor.  Yet what I am surprised to find out now is that this film, like its predecessor, is based on a novel. The two novels these two films are based on are not connected in any way, but the stories had similar themes.  This film is based on a novel called 58 Minutes, by Robert Wager, with obvious changes being made to incorporate the first film.

This is a cool action movie if nothing else, but it is just more of the same.  This is Bruce Willis’s go to character and he is able to keep doing it because he is so good at it.  He does just about everything he did in the first movie and then some. This is Renny Harlin’s Die Hard, that’s what I think makes it matter.  Despite what you might think about Harlin, he has made some pretty cool action films. They aren’t groundbreaking movies but they are all fun features with a lot of action. Many characters from the first film came back for the sequel, even when their presence wasn’t necessary as in the case of William Atherton returning as the reporter Richard Thornberg.

I think this is a cool movie but I don’t think it really garners a lot of effort in a review; it’s just a regurgitated sequel.  I will vouch for it though because good action movies are always worth your time when you have some time to kill.  It does give us an interesting portrait of how much the world has changed in twenty-two years.  There is smoking in the airport, weak security in a major international airport, and John McClane is carrying his gun at all times inside the airport. Granted this is only a movie, but these kinds of exaggerations aren’t done often anymore or ever seriously accepted by an audience.

AMBER’S REVIEW

I would just like to ditto that last post for Die Hard. I promise to re-watch this movie and update this post with my review at a later date.

NEXT MOVIE: Die Hard With a Vengeance (1995)

Cutthroat Island

Year: 1995
Directed By: Renny Harlin
Written By: Several writers

RYAN’S REVIEW

OK…..maybe I took a History of Pirates course in college, and received credit for it as part of my American history studies.  The class sounded really cool at the time and should have been really, but it was a disappointment in the end.  We more or less spent the summer semester watching movies about pirates, such as this one.  I do in fact really like this movie, but I have to be honest.  When this film is being viewed in a college class then both time and money has been wasted.

I find this film really exciting mainly because I was eleven years old when I first saw it and it was the most awesome movie ever.  I still enjoy this movie because while it is over the top and regularly ridiculous it is still awesome. This film is, or at least was, actually listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the biggest box office bust of all time.  It is the movie that put Carolco Pictures in the tank being the last movie the studio made before filing for bankruptcy.  Carolco Pictures made many big time action movies during the 80s and early 90s, many starring Stallone or Schwarzenegger.  This movie literally put an end to pirate themed movies until Disney made Pirates of the Caribbean.   While the movie does deserve plenty of the criticism it receives the film isn’t as bad a plenty others that only stand apart because they made more money. This movie was made on a $98 million budget and had a US gross of only $10 million.  That is pretty low but I really don’t understand why more people didn’t go to see it.  I think obviously the world wasn’t ready for Geena Davis to be a powerhouse action star.

Geena Davis was actually married to the director of the film, Renny Harlin.  He obviously wasn’t thinking straight when he decided to cast his wife, and he practically killed her career.  Although they would do another over the top action movie a year later that I also love, it was the Long Kiss Godnight . I am a big fan of Geena Davis and irregardless how campy and goofy she might be in this role I still liked her as a pirate.  Her lines are dumb, but she looked so good and she is always kicking ass.  Matthew Modine did nothing to advance his disappointing career with this role.  His lines are worse than Davis’s and he doesn’t deliver them as well. I do like Frank Langella as the bad guy though, it’s a shame nobody saw this movie simply because he does do a good job.  He will never be able to top his best role as a villian though.

I have been pretty open about the fact that I can be a sucker for a stupid action movie so this movie is obviously right up my alley.  It is overloaded with action to the point that I am shocked the budget was on $98 million.  On top of all the action the movie does great work in production.  The costumes look good, the sets and ships look good.  The movie follows many cliches about pirates but I’d have to say that was appropriate for an action packed pirate movie.  I’m pretty sure Renny wasn’t after any Academy Awards when he made this one. He just wanted to make a fun action movie, and there is alot to be said about a fun movie you don’t have to put too much thought into.

AMBER’S REVIEW

Ryan told me this movie was still good even though it holds the Guinness Book of World Records for the biggest box office flop in history. How can it still be good? That is like saying Gigli was a good movie. That movie may have even surpassed this one in box office flops. When we watched this movie the other night I thought I was going to die. This movie is completely boring and unrealistic. And although I really do like Geena Davis, I really can’t stand her in this movie. I also just in general did not like this movie. Unless you are an eleven year old boy, I wouldn’t recommend watching this movie. It is a total snooze fest.

NEXT MOVIE: The Darjeeling Limited (2007)

Cliffhanger

Year: 1993
Directed By: Renny Harlin
Written By: This movie started out as “Gale Force” (Die Hard in a hurricane), it went through several re-writes.

RYAN’S REVIEW

I grew up in a family that had a thing for cheesy action movies.  Movies like this were our bread and butter, what we sat up watching on Friday nights before we were old enough to drive and go out on our own.  I have to admit I have a special place in my heart for movies in the “Die Hard-genre,” for the simplicity of them.  When the terrorists are just white guys who want money, with no racial or political motives.  You don’t have to be Jack Bauer to handle these terrorist, simple police training a la John McClane will suffice, or in the case of this movie simply being a rescue worker with muscles coming out of your ass will do.

I am a Stallone fan no matter how ridiculous some of his movies are. I do think it’s time for him to hang it up though.  His time has come and gone, it is time for him to move into a different phase of his career.  This movie is one of my favorite of his actually, I really like the “Die Hard scenario” in this setting.  Stallone is an interesting person because he has had to overcome so much to be successful with his face paralysis. During his birth a doctor improperly used a pair of tongs to pull him from the birth canal and incedently paralyzed part of his face, including the insides of his mouth.  In the beginning of his career he specifically wrote the first Rocky with little dialogue to mask his difficulty speaking.  What I really find interesting about him is how he can literally do the exact same thing over and over again on multiple platforms and continue to be successful.  He made Rocky 6 F-ing times and Rambo 4 for crying out loud, and people are still paying to see it. He has gotten old though, as unfortunate as that is, and he needs to stop trying to turn the clock back by juicing.  He was caught with roids a few years ago when shooting Rocky Balboa. Stallone was great in his hey day, but it’s time for him to admit to himself that that time is over.

The bad guy was originally going to be played by Christopher Walken which would have been awesome but he bailed at the last-minute.  I am a huge Christopher Walken fan and I have to think that it would have made for a better movie.  I am also a big John Lithgow fan though, and think that he was awesome as the bad guy in the movie.  Walken may have been a little better, but that’s not to discredit Lithgow’s performance because Lithgow is always good.  He is incredibly versatile.  He was so funny and silly on 3rd Rock From the Sun yet so ruthless and cold as the villain in this movie. There is only one reason I think Walken might have been better, and if you want to know what it is check this out.

Michael Rooker plays the other leading part in the film and I have always been a fan of his as well.  I did not like his most recent performance on The Walking Dead, but I enjoyed several of the movies he was in earlier in his career.  Renny Harlin directed the movie and I have liked many of his movies as well. He is never going to be considered a really serious filmmaker but he has made some great action movies. Like I said though, I come from a household where we spent a lot of time on stupid and mindless action movies.  We owned nearly every variety of the “Die Hard Genre.”

In the aftermath of Die Hard many movies were made with the exact same formula.  A group of white terrorist hijack something in an effort to extort lots of money in a variety of settings.  Let me provide some examples….there’s Steven Seagal vs. the white guy terrorists Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey in Die Hard  on a Boat (Under Siege), Christian Slater vs. white guy terrorists John Travolta  and Howie Long in Die Hard in the Desert (Broken Arrow), Nicholas Cage vs. white guy terrorist John Malkovich in Die Hard on a Prison Plane (Con Air), Harrison Ford vs. white guy terrorist Gary Oldman in Die Hard with the President, on a Plane (Air Force One), even Howie Long had his own Die Hard in the Woods (Firestorm),  and this one of course, Die Hard in the Mountains.  There are probably several I am forgetting, there was one with Van Damme in a hockey arena, ah I could name them off forever if I try.  These movies are all simple, there is nothing to learn from any of them, but sometimes it’s good to just sit back and relax.  These movies come in handy then.

I love this movie and still enjoy watching it, but I don’t know that I can tell just anybody that it is worth their time. It does hold a certain sentimental element for me because when I was a kid playing with G I Joes it was this scenario I always acted out.  My favorite Joe would be the one who had to defeat all the others one by one and all the “Die Hard” movies influenced how the action played out.  This one was a popular one because I could have them climbing of the furniture. So, as I was saying, I can’t say this is worth your time,  but if you give it a chance I think you I will like it.

AMBER’S REVIEW

I might have written a real review for this movie. Maybe it could have been the best review I have written so far. But, that isn’t going to be the case here. The night that we watched this movie was the night that The Help came out on onDemand. I had spent all day trying to figure out how to get Ryan to watch it with me. I read the book and missed it in the theaters, so I have been patiently waiting for the DVD release date. Well, after much debate and arguing I guess you already know who won. Instead of getting to watch an uplifting movie about race relations, I was forced to watch Sylvester Stallone try to save a woman who ultimately plummeted to her death. And the whole time I sat there sulking, and thinking about how awesome Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls was for making fun of it.

I can’t say if I love it or hate it, because even though I watched it, I wasn’t really paying attention to it, because I was so mad that Ryan won and his pregnant wife didn’t get to watch the movie she had desperately been wanting to watch since finishing the book.

For the record, I still haven’t seen The Help. (I still love him, but don’t you think he owes me?)

 NEXT MOVIE: Closer (2004)